you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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