Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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