I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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