i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
