Kiss
Puke
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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