just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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