I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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