I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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