Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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