Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
