That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
we're so committed to being not committed
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
