Are you still at the party or did I leave?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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