everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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