I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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