Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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