"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
