if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
