there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
