woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
