Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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