it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
