I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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