apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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