Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
