What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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