Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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