seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I will pee on everything he values.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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