Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
