I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
