god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
