forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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