who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
