I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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