I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
