On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
