I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
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and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Damn victory sex feels great
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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