We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
