You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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