You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
