a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
