this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
