would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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