She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
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One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
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