He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
