Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
