saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
