We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
