I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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