y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the condom got lost in my hair
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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