He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
