You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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