I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
