If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
