Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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