If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize