One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
