Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he thought i was a dude.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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