new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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