After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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