Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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