I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
