went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
fuck your aforementioned shoe
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
