Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
