For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
